Finding My Authentic Self

Throughout my life, I have pursued a singular purpose that resonates with many yet remains elusive for most: the quest for authenticity.

My first memory of recognizing my Authentic Self dates to when I was just five years old. As I walked down the steps of the Methodist Church in Hamilton, Texas, after Sunday service, my insatiable curiosity was already at play. I turned to my mother and asked, “Ok, Mama, there’s the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Where’s the girl part?” That question reflected a profound insight for a five-year-old—I sensed that I was being excluded from the narrative and that societal expectations dictated obedience to the voices of male authority figures.

At an early age, I was taught that a higher power, presumably a man, held all the answers, and that we should conform to his will. However, rather than accepting this notion blindly, I dared to question it. My brilliance and curiosity, however, went largely unacknowledged. No one celebrated my inquiry or encouraged me to think independently.

In my family, the male hierarchy was palpable. My mother emphasized that my brothers and father required nurturing, reinforcing the idea that their needs superseded my own. I often watched my father leave each morning with his briefcase in hand, while my mother busily prepared meals for his return. The subtle message was clear: men and boys were prioritized over girls—over me.

Over time, I learned to adapt to this environment. I silenced my voice during discussions, submitting to the belief that my role was to serve others—a lesson deeply ingrained by both family dynamics and religious teachings. I accepted that my place was to be compliant and helpful, as my worth seemed tied to my ability to support those deemed more important.

Despite my compliance, a small part of me continued to urge me to think for myself. Yet, as life progressed, that inner voice was stifled. It culminated in a pivotal moment when I surrendered my autonomy to those I believed knew better.

This conditioning led to what I term my “Primal Wound”—a formative story that encapsulates the moment I completely lost my sense of self.

My Primal Wound Story

Growing up in a traditional Southern family centered around the importance of boys, I was the only girl with two brothers. In our household, boys were celebrated, while girls were merely acknowledged if they were good looking or good at serving men. My father, a respected entrepreneur in our small Texas town, was the dominant force in both family and business.

Instead of typical outdoor play, my brothers and I engaged in imaginative games amid the tombstones at my father’s monument manufacturing location, where a cemetery lay just behind the factory. We reenacted scenes from Westerns, using real tombstones as props and donning makeshift cowboy attire. In those moments of play, I felt equal to my brothers, as though gender roles did not limit our play.

However, as we entered our teenage years, dynamics shifted. My brothers took on summer jobs at the family business, working alongside my father, while I yearned to join them. When I finally asked my father for a summer job, he seemed taken aback, perhaps never imagining I’d want to work in the factory.

After some persuasion, he assigned me a task: I would create artistic designs for tombstones, a job that thrilled me. I spent the summer diligently working, producing 135 beautifully detailed designs, and felt proud to contribute to the family legacy. However, upon returning to collect my colored pencils one day, I discovered my work discarded in the trash. This moment of humiliation marked the beginning of my internalization of limiting beliefs: I wasn’t cut out for the business world; my role was to support men, not to claim a space of my own.

From that day forward, I settled into a mindset of inferiority, believing that my worth was tied to serving others. I carried this limiting belief for over four decades.

The Wake-Up Moment

We all have moments, like my story above, when painful experiences reshape our self-image. These experiences, which I refer to as Primal Wounds, can vary widely—from a teacher’s discouraging remark to familial neglect. They teach us to minimize our feelings, often leading to self-imposed limitations.

Yet, most of us have a opportunity to come back to ourselves, our authentic self at times as life goes along. These opportunities usually come in the form of a crisis. My wake-up call came through the failure of a marriage, prompting me to confront the reality that I was not living authentically. The little girl who once dared to question resurfaced, challenging me to reconsider why I had been so focused on pleasing others.

Through this journey of self-discovery, I realized that I possessed the power to reclaim my voice and my agency. I eventually became a catalyst for others, encouraging them to reconnect with their authentic selves.

The Birth of High-Performance Breakthrough (HPB)

Initially, I pursued a career as a teacher, hoping to make a difference in young lives. However, after a decade of navigating adolescent emotions, I sought a new path and earned my Ph.D. in psychology. My work in a psychiatric hospital unveiled systemic flaws in mental health treatment. Patients often languished for years without breakthroughs, and I realized the need for innovative solutions.

I began exploring how individuals could activate their inner agency—an essential and authentic part of their identity that had likely been suppressed like mine. My research as well as my own life experiences revealed that happiness stems from recognizing our ability to think for ourselves.

From this foundation, I developed a protocol I call High Performance Breakthrough(HPB) to restore authenticity in individuals’ lives, emphasizing that we each possess an inner voice longing to be acknowledged. Through years of practice and learning from clients, I have dedicated my life to using my HPB process in helping others rediscover their true selves.

As my career flourished, business executives began to request to take HPB for leadership training purposes for themselves as well as their employees. After researching the results of the HPB process on business development, it is clear there were many benefits to empowering employees: increased confidence, higher retention rates, happier employees, less drama in the workplace and yes, dad, higher profits.

My latest book, Best Job Ever, tells the story of how employees in one soft-ware company lost their own limiting beliefs, as they experienced my High Performance Breakthrough process.

I cannot wait for you to read it! And it would be my great honor for you to take my HPB process for yourself and let go of some of the limits we all place on ourselves.

Influencing Others with Our Own Transformation

Toward the end of his life, my father validated my value and importance in the world. He eventually shared that by watching me make something important of myself, he was changed. He  was one of those rare individuals who even in his late eighties was eager to learn more about himself.

One happy memory is my father and I, late in his life, on a walk down the narrow little path by their ranch style home in Hamilton when he stopped and put his hands on my shoulders and shared with me:  You know sweetheart, you have taught me that women, including you and your mother, are not just equal to men but, in truth, actually you women are so much smarter than us men!

As I continue my own journey, my goal remains clear: to live as my Authentic Self and empower others to do the same.

Authenticity is our highest power, and I am committed to ensuring that the voices of curiosity, strength, and resilience are never silenced again at home or at work.

Dr. Jayne Gardner is a true pioneer in applying psychology to the business world to unleash higher potential and performance in organizations.  Now, using her signature process High Performance Breakthrough (HPB), entrepreneurs can harness a power greater than anything ever experienced in the business world, by simply changing how they think.

Dr. Jayne serves anyone who wants to unleash their unlimited potential.

She works with all people who want to create financial greatness through first developing personal greatness by learning about their unconscious limiting beliefs.  She has over thirty years of experience in the coaching and business world and knows how to call out our stories, our strengths and our blind spots to uncover the best version of ourselves.

Professional Credentials

 Dr. Jayne Gardner holds a doctorate degree in psychology and counseling and state licensure as an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor). She also holds the highest level of certification with the International Coaching Federation, a MCC (Master Certified Coach). She has contributed articles to numerous magazines, professional journals, and media outlets including Emotional Intelligence Magazine, SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management), Dallas Business Journal, and Science of Mind magazine. She has hosted her own radio show called Wired to Win (KRLD-AM/Dallas) and has appeared on CNN’s Business Unusual and on Good Morning Texas (ABC affiliate). Her authentic presence engages audiences quickly and leaves a lasting impact.

Because of her vast life experience, education, and presentation style, she receives rave reviews from audiences nationwide; she has presented all over the US and abroad to many prestigious groups such as the International Coach Federation (ICF), The Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO), and Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO).

She graduated from the University of Texas Dallas School of Management with a major in Executive and Professional Coaching. She has since taught as Adjunct Professor of Business and Professional Communication at Texas Christian University, is a Program Advisor for Houston Christian University’s Women in Leadership Program, and worked as an Executive Coach at the University of Dallas as well as fortune 500 organizations.